Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
