About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
