she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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