First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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