so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
