If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
