the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
