Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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