she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
this is an emotional support booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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