i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
