Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Randomize
