Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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