Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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