Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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