how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
