i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
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Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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