i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
