The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is Oprah even human
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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