What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
