So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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