When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
