She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
