its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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