I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
