i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize