cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
