I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
