I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
