Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
