you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
