My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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