I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
