the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
