Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
