Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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