also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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