I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
