Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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