The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
