woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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