I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
