And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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