I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
