dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
