I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
