JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
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Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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