so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
