I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
