Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
