I wish I could punch you in the face.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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