ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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