You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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