puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
