M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
