There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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