pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
