If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
