I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
