I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
