and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Damn victory sex feels great
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
