meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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