Your tits are I can't wait for
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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