I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
