Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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