Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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