That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
