im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
