he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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