drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
