We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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