I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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