ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
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so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
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We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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