I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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