Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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